Bad Writing Samples 1, 2 & 3

BAD WRITING SAMPLES

#1       The amount of grammer and usage error’s today is astounding. Not to mention spelling. If I was a teacher, I’d feel badly that less and less students seem to understand the basic principals of good writing. Neither the oldest high school students nor the youngest kindergartner know proper usage. A student often thinks they can depend on word processing programs to correct they’re errors. Know way!

            Watching TV all the time, its easy to see why their having trouble. TV interferes with them studying and it’s strong affect on children has alot to due with their grades. There’s other factors, too, including the indifference of parents like you and I. A Mom or Dad often doesn’t know grammer themselves. We should tell are children to study hard like we did at they’re age and to watch less TV then their classmates.

#2       The television can be helpful sometimes, especially when people watch the news, but of course we all know that you can’t get everyone to watch the news. Some people watch television to learn about things that go on in our world. And there’s people that watch it cause there’s nothing else to do. People that watch television because there’s nothing else to do are making television harmful because almost all of the shows have something wrong with them like the language, their actions, and some of the things that they show. And most of the kids that watch these shows want to be the same way. Like say that a teenager killed someone, the kids that watch it and think that’s cool and do the same thing when they get older.

            Some shows are learning experienses like a show on saving our economy, if you  watched this you could help save the economy. I think that there are too many people using television in the harmful way such as gaining weight from sitting in front of the television too much. There are also a log of people who stay away from television as often as they can and try to be more active, but still do watch the educational way of shows and that is the education way of doing it. There are also a lot of controversy going on about some of the things they on television. But it you think about it television is very helpful.

#3       As that there are alot of people (weather they are philosophers or not) there are many exceptions to moral rules or laws. One thing I find interesting about Immanuel Kant, are his strong feelings toward not lying at any time ever no matter what and not to deal with the consequences and the considerations of individual situations and circumstances and possible exceptions that need to be accounted for when making a decision of morality and ethics. Immanuel Kant felt strongly that lying was always wrong, he was against it. But whose to say? Wasn’t lying just Kants biggest how shall I say "pet-peeve"? "No lying ever, no exceptions" needs to be addressed more seriously in the future by later philosophers, if you ask me its worth a try. Immanuel Kant was probably one of the most supportive philosiphers of absolute rules in the ethical and moral decision-making systems of thought I have studied.

Writing 2 Class Notes -- Week 12 (November 21)

Greetings!

Today's class was good.  We covered a lot and had some thoughtful conversations about writing.

The Quick Write for the day came from a creative writing story starters book.  They were to incorporate the following sentence into a short story:  "How could you do this to me?" said the lion tamer as he/she tumbled over the waterfall.

The Words of the Day were from a dictionary since I'd forgotten my book on foreign phrases at home:

tachycardia --  excessive rapid heart beat

tableau -- a representation of a picture, statue, or scene by one o rmore persons suitably costumed 

tabloid -- a newspaper or magazine filled with sensational news

taciturn -- inclined to silence

As part of our vocabulary work, we made a scale from taciturn to loquacious, including other words that are synonyms for talking a lot.

I collected from them their rough drafts of their Comparison/Contrast Essays and the paragraphs they wrote about the information about Morten Olsen.  I will hand their rough drafts back to them at the next class.

We've not had much time to discuss the excerpt of Grapes of Wrath that I had given them.  So, we took more time this week to look closely at Steinbeck's writing style.  Breaking the class into small groups, they worked through on e of the paragraphs to identify certain groups of words:  verbs, adjectives, adverbs, and prepositional phrases.  We discussed the images that stuck in our memories and the "feeling" of the literature.  His verbs and modifiers were described by the class as creative, unique, and lifeless.

After those small groups, I rearranged the class into different groups to do some editing practice.  Giving them some Bad Writing Samples, they worked together to fix the mistakes.  We then put those corrections on the board.  They're becoming more careful writers with each exercise.

They probably don't need reminding, but we don't have class next week.  They can spend Thursday eating turkey and hanging out with the family, instead.

Assignments for Dec. 5

-- Edit Bad Writing Samples #2 & #3

-- Rewrite 2 paragraphs from the Grapes of Wrath excerpt, writing it in a different tone.

This week's blog posts:

Class Notes

Bad Writing Samples

Grapes of Wrath excerpt

Happy Thanksgiving!  Be blessed!

Mrs. Prichard

Writing 2 Class Notes -- Week 11 (November 14)

Greetings,

We had a good class this week.  For our Quick Write, I had the students make up an adventure, in celebration of the birthday of Astrid Lindgren, the author of the Pippi Longstocking books.  We had real and imaginary persons in a number of adventures.

Our Words for the Day were chosen by two classmates.

macabre -- French; gruesome, ghastly, grim

matinee -- fr. Latin matins morning; a daytime musical or dramatic performance

hic et ubique -- Latin; literally, here and everywhere  (We discussed the word "ubiquitious" which comes from ubique)

hoc tempore -- Latin; literally, this time

This week we did an all-class writing exercise.  In writing, students are often not sure what details to include or in what order to write those details.  I had been doing some research about my family heritage and had some details about my great, great, great grandfather, Morten Olsen.  I filled the white board with those details and then set the students to the task of writing a paragraph or two about them.  When finished, we discussed what information they felt was essential and what they felt could be omitted.  I then divided the class into four small groups so that they could compare their paragraphs with one another.  I enjoyed listening to their conversations as they read aloud their writing.

I handed back the tests from My Antonia and their Final Drafts of their Extended Definition or Classification Essays.  We discussed the rubric for the essays.  Since we had talked about Introductions and Conclusions, I payed special attention to those.  We will focus on various points of the rubric with the papers so that they students can consider what aspects of their writing they want to improve.

They were to have worked on their Pre-writes for their Comparison/Contrast Essays.  The Rough Drafts are due next week.  

We haven't gotten to the excerpts for the Grapes of Wrath yet.  That will come next week.  

Assignments for Next Week:

-- Re-write the paragraph about Morten Olsen, paying special attention to sentence constructions.  Make it an excellent paragraph.

-- Write the rough draft of the Comparison/Contrast Essay.

This week's blogs

Class Notes

Have a great weekend.  It should be a tad warmer, before it turns cold again.

Mrs. Prichard

Comparison/Contrast Essay

Definition

            In comparison and contrast essays, the writer places two subjects side by side and examines their similarities and/or differences in order to clarity the qualities of each (to inform) or to make a point (to persuade).  Comparison and contrast papers can be used independently with just similarities or differences or in combination covering both similarities and differences.  These essays are important since they allow you to show your knowledge of two subjects while analyzing the relationship between them.

Thesis Development

            The thesis of the essay should name the subjects (A and B) and announce the focus of the contrast and comparison.  The thesis also states a general opinion but leaves the explanation of the points of comparison to the body of the essay.   For example, if the essay compares two sports, the writer’s thesis might express opinions regarding the cost, danger, difficulty, etc. of the one sport compared to the other.  A thesis also might deal with surprising similarities between two seemingly different subjects.

Organization

            Essays that compare and contrast two subjects use either a subject-by-subject or a point-by-point structure.  In a subject-by-subject structure, the writer describes one subject first and then moves on to the second subject.  In such a structure, the writer would discuss everything about subject A before moving on to discuss subject B.  This structure results in larger blocks devoted to each subject.

            In a point-by-point structure, the writer organizes his or her writing around specific points of similarity or difference between the two subjects, so each subject is discussed in relation to a point o similarity or difference.  This structure results in both subject A and B being discussed within a paragraph.

EXAMPLES

Subject-by-Subject Pattern

I.       Introduction

II.    Subject A

A.    Point #1

B.     Point #2

C.     Point #3

D.    Point #4

III. Subject B

A.    Point #1

B.     Point #2

C.     Point #3

D.    Point #4

IV. Conclusion

* Note:  The points for Subject A and Subject B correspond.

Point-by Point Pattern

I.       Introduction

II.    Main Point #1

A.    Subject A

B.     Subject B

III. Main Point #2

A.    Subject A

B.     Subject B

IV. Main Point #3

A.    Subject A

B.     Subject B

V.    Main Point #4

A.    Subject A

B.     Subject B

VI. Conclusion

Tips on Writing

– Select the subjects for your comparison/contrast with a purpose and audience in mind.  Consider why and how you plan to bring these two topics together.

– Are you trying to help your reader understand the topics more thoroughly or are you trying to persuade your reader of something?

– List similarities and differences in your subjects before planning your structure and outline.

– Decide if your subjects share more similarities or differences.  You will want to choose carefully what aspects you will emphasize so that your reader has a clear impression and understanding.

Pitfalls to Avoid

Avoid obvious comparisons.  It’s not very interesting to hear what you already know, so try examining similarities or differences that aren’t obvious.

Avoid incomplete comparisons. A comparison that does not discuss the same elements for both topics would confuse your reader.

Avoid confusing comparisons.  If the writer shows only the similarities, the reader will wonder if the two subjects are identical.  If the writer shows only differences, the reader might wonder why they are being compared.

Essay Guidelines

– Due dates:  Pre-Writing due November 14; Rough Draft due November 21; Final Draft due December 12 

– Essay length:  800 – 1000 words (at least 2 ½ pages)

– Rough drafts can be typed or hand-written, but must be double-spaced.

– Final draft format:

– Typed (if this is not possible, please let me know)

– 1 inch margins

– Name and date on the upper right hand corner

– Number the pages on the lower right hand corner

– Title centered above the text of the essay

Writing 2 Class Notes -- Week 11 (November 7)

Greetings!

We started class today with our usual Quick Write.  Since today is Billy Graham's 95th birthday, we wrote on the topic "Evangelism."  Many of the students were only vaguely aware of who this man is, but I have friends and family members who were saved through his ministry.  For those interested, here's the link to the program "The Cross," which his son, Franklin Graham calls his father's last message to America.

Our Words of the Day:

argeggio -- Italian -- the sounding of the notes of a chord in rapic succession instead of sumultaneously

callope -- Greek -- from the Greek muse of heroic poetry -- a steam-powered organ

zephyr -- Greek -- from the Greek god of the west wind -- a gentle breeze

Our students finished giving their presentations for characters and themes from My Antonia.  I am so impressed with how they've read and analyzed this book.  They've carefully read and thought about their topics.  I learned a lot from them today.  Following the presentations, I gave them a final exam for the book.  It was a multiple choice test, it wasn't too difficult.

They handed in the Final Drafts for their Extended Definition or Classification Essays.  Along with the final essays, they also handed in the rough drafts and 5 reasons for their corrections.  The next essay is Comparison/Contrast Essay.  I've attached the handout that explains how to write this essay.  This is a fairly straightforward kind of essay, so it should not be too hard.

We just briefly started on the excerpt from Steinbeck's Grapes of Wrath.  We'll discuss it next week.

Assignments for Next Week:

-- Read Chapter 1 from The Grapes of Wrath

-- Prewrite for the Comparison/Contrast essay

This week's blog

Class Notes

Comparison/Contrast Essay

Have a great weekend!

Mrs. Prichard

Grapes of Wrath -- Chapter 1

The Grapes of Wrath
(1939)

Chapter 1

John Steinbeck

To the red country and part of the gray country of Oklahoma, the last rains came gently, and they did not cut the scarred earth.  The plows crossed and recrossed the rivulet marks.  The last rains lifted the corn quickly and scattered weed colonies and grass along the sides of the roads so that the gray country and the dark red country began to disappear under a green cover.  In the last part of May the sky grew pale and the clouds that had hung in high puffs for so long in the spring were dissipated.  The sun flared down on the growing corn day after day until a line of brown spread along the edge of each green bayonet.  The clouds appeared, and went away, and in a while they did not try any more.  The weeds grew darker green to protect themselves, and they did not spread any more.  The surface of the earth crusted, a thin hard crust, and as the sky became pale, so the earth became pale, pink in the red country and white in the gray country.
        In the water-cut gullies the earth dusted down in dry little streams.  Gophers and ant lions started small avalanches.  And as the sharp sun struck day after day, the leaves of the young corn became less stiff and erect; they bent in a curve at first, and then, as the central ribs of strength grew weak, each leaf tilted downward.  Then it was June, and the sun shone more fiercely.  The brown lines on the corn leaves widened and moved in on the central ribs.  The weeds frayed and edged back toward their roots.  The air was thin and the sky more pale; and every day the earth paled.
        In the roads where the teams moved, where the wheels milled the ground and the hooves of the horses beat the ground, the dirt crust broke and the dust formed.  Every moving thing lifted the dust into the air:  a walking man lifted a thin layer as high as his waist, and a wagon lifted the dust as high as the fence tops, and an automobile boiled a cloud behind it.  The dust was long in settling back again.
        When June was half gone, the big clouds moved up out of Texas and the Gulf, high heavy clouds, rain-heads.  The men in the fields looked up at the clouds and sniffed at them and held wet fingers up to sense the wind.  And the horses were nervous while the clouds were up.  The rain-heads dropped a little spattering and hurried on to some other country.  Behind them the sky was pale again and the sun flared.  In the dust there were drop craters where the rain had fallen, and there were clean splashes on the corn, and that was all.
        A gentle wind followed the rain clouds, driving them on northward, a wind that softly clashed the drying corn.  A day went by and the wind increased, steady, unbroken by gusts.  The dust from the roads fluffed up and spread out and fell on the weeds beside the fields, and fell into the fields a little way.  Now the wind grew strong and hard and it worked at the rain crust in the corn fields.  Little by little he sky was darkened by the mixing dust, and the wind felt over the earth, loosened the dust, and carried it away.  The wind grew stronger.  The rain crust broke and the dust lifted up out of the fields and drove gray plumes into the air like sluggish smoke.  The corn threshed the wind and made a dry, rushing sound.  The finest dust did not settle back to earth now, but disappeared into the darkening sky.
        The wind grew stronger, whisked under stones, carried up straws and old leaves, and even little clods, marking its course as it sailed across the fields.  The air and the sky darkened and through them the sun shone redly, and there was a raw sting in the air.  During a night the wind raced faster over the land, dug cunningly among the rootlets of the corn, and the corn fought the wind with its weakened leaves until the roots were freed by the prying wind and then each stalk settled wearily sideways toward the earth and pointed the direction of the wind.
        The dawn came, but no day.  In the gray sky a red sun appeared, a dim red circle that gave a little light, like dusk; and as that day advanced, the dusk slipped back toward darkness, and the wind cried and whimpered over the fallen corn.
        Men and women huddled in their houses, and they tied handkerchiefs over their noses when they went out, and wore goggles to protect their eyes.
        When the night came again it was black night, for the stars could not pierce the dust to get down, and the window lights could not even spread beyond their own yards.  Now the dust was evenly mixed with the air, and emulsion of dust and air.  Houses were shut tight, and cloth wedged around doors and windows, but the dust came in so thinly that it could not be seen in the air, and it settled like pollen on the chairs and tables, on the dishes.  The people brushed it from their shoulders.  Little lines of dust lay at the door sills.
        In the middle of that night the wind passed on and left the land quiet.  The dust-filled air muffled sound more completely than fog does.  The people, lying in their beds, heard the wind stop.  They awakened when the rushing wind was gone.  They lay quietly and listened deep into the stillness.  Then the roosters crowed, and their voices were muffled, and the people stirred restlessly in their beds and wanted the morning.  They knew it would take a long time for the dust to settle out of the air.  In the morning the dust hung like fog, and the sun was as red as ripe new blood.  All day the dust sifted down from the sky, and the next day it sifted down.  An even blanket covered the earth.  It settled on the corn, piled up on the tops of the fence posts, piled up on the wires; it settled on roofs, blanketed the weeds and trees.
        The people came out of their houses and smelled the hot stinging air and covered their noses from it.  And the children came out of the houses, but they did not run or shout as they would have done after a rain.  Men stood by their fences and looked at the ruined corn, drying fast now, only a little green showing through the film of dust.  The men were silent and they did not move often.  And the women came out of the houses to stand beside their men - to feel whether this time the men would break.  The women studied the men's faces secretly, for the corn could go, as long as something else remained.  The children stood near by drawing figures in the dust with bare toes, and the children sent exploring senses out to see whether men and women would break.  The children peeked at the faces of the men and women, and then drew careful lines in the dust with their toes.  Horses came to the watering troughs and nuzzled the water to clear the surface dust.  After a while the faces of the watching men lost their bemused perplexity and became hard and angry and resistant.  Then the women knew that they were safe and that there was no break.  Then they asked, Whta'll we do?  And the men replied, I don't know.  but it was all right.  The women knew it was all right, and the watching children knew it was all right.  Women and children knew deep in themselves that no misfortune was too great to bear if their men were whole.  The women went into the houses to their work, and the children began to play, but cautiously at first.  As the day went forward the sun became less red.  It flared down on the dust-blanketed land.  The men sat in the doorways of their houses; their hands were busy with sticks and little rocks.  The men sat still - thinking - figuring.

Writing 2 Class Notes -- Week 10 (October 31)

Greetings!

We had a good class again this week.  When I first started teaching at CHAT, I wondered how I was going to fill a 90 minute class. Now, I think I could go all day with each class.  They are a great group of students!

For our Quick Write, I gave them a topic that I picked up from the joking around of some of the students.  So, I asked them to write about their personal political persuasions and opinions.  It was quite interesting to hear the variety of opinions that these students have.  

The Words of the Day:

maelstrom: fr. Dutch; a violent whirlpool or a turbulent situation

madeleine: fr. French; a small shell-shaped cake or pastry made of flour, eggs, sugar

magna cum laude:  fr. Latin; with great praise

summa cum laude:  fr. Latin; with highest praise

We're just about done with the book, My Antonia.  The students have prepared presentations about the characters, themes, and setting.  We heard from some of them this week.  I combined students who had chosen the same topics.  We heard thoughts about the setting and Jim Burden, the narrator of the story.  Next week, we'll hear the rest in addition to taking a final exam.

I handed back their Rough Drafts of the Classification or Extended Definition Essays.  As is my custom, I like to go over grammar errors and mistakes common to their papers.  In my opinion, that's one of the best ways to learn grammar.  We discussed commas, contractions, parallel construction, "there is/are, etc.." using the word "things," and use of prepositions.  

They are to work on the Final Drafts of their essays and have them ready next week.  Along with their papers, they should list 5 corrections that they've made.

Following our book, we will be reading some other prairie-style literature.  For next week, they are to read the handout with an excerpt from John Steinbeck's Grapes of Wrath.  Pay special attention to the landscape descriptions.

Assignments for Next Week:

-- Finish Final Draft of Extended Definitions or Classifications Essay

     -- Include 5 Corrections.

-- Read the Grapes of Wrath excerpt.

This Week's Blogs

Class Notes

Enjoy your weekend.  It's supposed to be beautiful!

Mrs. Prichard